Entry 9: Concerning finding my crush after the Ithaca was taken.

I was young. Twelve years old, when my mouth was deformed so badly that I didn’t feel comfortable going out in public. I had to, for my own, wellbeing stay in my hospital room and conduct my business from there.

Finding Private Jacob Statler was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever had to do. Passing the test to have them give me my own instillation was nothing compared to calling person after person to get the answer as to whether he died or not.

He had not. The Morgues had no-one matching his description. When I finally was about to give up, there was a knock on my door. I grabbed a blanket and I covered my face quickly, “Come in.”

“Hello Amelia,” he said walking towards me.

“Hello Jacob,” I responded.

He smiled, he held a small, wilting daisy in his hand and he held it out to me. I couldn’t reach and get it, the blanket would fall, “Set it over there please.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t get here sooner. I was scared you didn’t make it, but when some of the other men were talking about what you did for them. Then what happened… Can I see your face Amelia?” He asked reaching for the blanket.

“Jacob, no, please… You can’t.”

“Amelia. I’m just thankful you are alive.”

He pulled a chair close to the bed, I looked at him, and I could see what I felt for him, I could see my love against his cheek.

But I couldn’t shake this feeling. This feeling down inside of my stomach, sickening, cold, empty. Something that can’t be described but only felt. Something that I didn’t know the meaning of at that moment.

It was so strong, that I shivered, and I stared at him, eyes looking past the blanket’s top at Jacob. He reached towards me, and he grabbed the edge of the blanket.

“Amelia, let me see.”

I knew in my brain: surface thoughts, emptying into my subconscious, telling me, don’t drop the blanket. But when he pulled gently, and I say the earnest in his eyes, I started to lower the blanket, allowing him to see…